tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76259026165577460182024-02-21T00:56:17.230-08:00Magical Moments and Meaningful MemoriesSometimes, you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-5154276762170080612022-10-10T14:06:00.000-07:002022-10-10T14:06:18.864-07:00Pregnancy<p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">37 weeks and 4 days pregnant. This is how far along I am today with my current pregnancy. It also was how far along I was when I went to the hospital to be induced to have Lincoln. I never wrote anything down about being pregnant with Lincoln.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Pregnancy is a privilege that not all women get. I have already forgotten many things about being pregnant with Lincoln and so many things feel blurred with my pregnancy with this baby.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">While there are similarities my two experiences feel very different. All I did my first pregnancy was think about being pregnant.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I spent so much time with free time. It was the middle of a pandemic. The world stopped in many ways and I researched baby items and read about what was happening to my body and my baby.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With my current pregnancy anytime anyone asked how many weeks I was I would have to pull out my phone and open an app because I never knew.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It wasn’t that I didn’t care I just had so many other things to worry about as well. I worked until 36 weeks and mothered a toddler everyday.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I didn’t realize then what a luxury I had being able to focus so much on what was happening to Lincoln and to me. It’s something I have mourned little bit this time. I just didn’t feel like I had the energy I wanted to give or the brain space.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Lincoln‘s pregnancy was not without its challenges. I got the flu during my first trimester and I have never been so sick in my life. It was a very scary experience and has made me a team flu shot person for the rest of forever.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Many appointments and decisions were made on my own due to the fact that covid 19 was so rampant and unknown. I had no idea what it would mean for my baby because no one knew that much about it. I lived in a state of anxiety.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Thomas was not able to attend the full anatomy ultrasound and I was not able to have my mom with me for my delivery. Two things I think I will always feel sad about.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It is now comical to think about the fact that I broke my leg and was on crutches during my second and third trimester. The only time I’ve ever broken a bone and it had to be pregnant. My body did not feel well because all I ever did was sit on the couch or hobble around on crutches.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The biggest challenge with Lincoln’s pregnancy was my experience with hypertension and preeclampsia. I was so swollen. I loved my doctor and her office. They did so good at monitoring me closely without causing me to feel like things were bad. I did have to collect urine in a bucket for 24 hours and carry it into the doctors office. We had to keep it in our fridge and Thomas’ study group did find it which was one of the more embarrassing moments of my life. It is something I laugh at now but I sure hated that then.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I will never forget this day being pregnant with Lincoln. Going my weekly appointment and having my blood pressure yet again be high, doing a non-stress test and them very calmly saying well it looks like it’s time to go have this baby.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With baby brother I prioritized movement so much this pregnancy. I think a big part of it has to do with the fact I couldn’t with Lincoln. I wanted to give my body its best shot at feeling good and recovering well. I needed to be stronger. I needed to be stronger both for having a baby and for being a mother. I want to be able to run, jump, crawl, dance and play with my toddler and his brother.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m not sure if I would have expected my gym journey to take off while pregnant but it has been an absolute game changer for me. I could so obviously tell a difference on how I felt the days I skipped my work out.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I was sicker this time and thought I was having a girl because I felt so different in the beginning than I did pregnant with Lincoln. Maybe it just had to do with the fact that I was so much busier. Movement save me.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Some symptoms were similar like heartburn and fatigue. While other things are so different. My anxiety is so much better this time. This baby is much more active gives me less room to worry.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">My Varicose veins round two came back with such a vengeance. I feel like I have a sprained ankle. My legs are sore and achy. My compression socks ruined all of my outfits and take a hit at my self-confidence but not wearing them is so much worse.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I feel like I am a generally positive pregnant person. Until about two or three weeks ago and now I’m a little grumpy and just want to be done.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I am so grateful for the chance I’ve had to grow this baby but little guy you can come out now.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p>megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-71286060982371819042020-10-02T01:04:00.000-07:002020-10-02T01:04:58.257-07:00Feeding Lincoln<div class="separator"><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"></p></div><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">One of the things that surprised me the most about having a baby was how much I hated breastfeeding. I wasn’t expecting it to be easy but I would be lying if I didn’t say I thought it would be easier. I dreaded it. Shuddered it hurt so bad. I wanted to cry when someone would hand him to me to feed him. I HATED feeling like that. I couldn’t figure out how to hold him no matter how many positions I looked at on Pinterest. My wrists ached from holding his head. There was no way he was eating under a cover and so I often felt isolated locked back in my room for hours a day feeding the baby.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I set myself a goal after talking to a friend about how long it took to stop hating it. 6 weeks. I would try for 6 weeks and if I still felt anxious every time he needed to eat then I would be done. Let me tell you- this boy eats A LOT!</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Everything I was reading said offer a feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours. Ha. I was struggling to make it an hour and a half. It seemed to me that he was always hungry. At first I wondered if we were stuck in a snacking cycle. So I pushed him to wait just a little longer. Tried to get a “full feeding”. He would scream and scream. The most infuriating part was he threw up almost everything he ate. I was exhausted. He was exhausted. It had been a month. My scabs had healed and it was starting to hurt less but I still didn’t know if I could do this long term.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I called the doctor about his spit up. Normal baby stuff from what they could tell. We would evaluate at my next visit. We kept going. I was able to push him to almost 2 hours most feedings now. Progress? I hoped so.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I still had a REALLY sad baby. Decided it was colic. Bought gas drops. Totally thought they worked the first few times. And maybe they helped but he was still so unhappy. He slept so bad. I was doing everything I had learned in my takingcarababies class. His spitting up started to alarm me. 3 or 4 times he would spit up after eating. I would hold him upright for 20 minutes, 30 minutes and finally 45 minutes in the middle of the night and he still spit up the minute I laid him down.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Never have I been so grateful we had a washing machine. One day in tears I told Thomas “I thought I would be better at this. I’ve been around babies. I thought I would be able to recognize his needs.”</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I called the doctor again. I was feeling foolish because I had already called and thought maybe I just have a baby that spits up. Maybe I just have a gassy baby. My baby is just hard to nurse. Babies cry.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">They scheduled me an appointment for that afternoon. Relieved to be getting even just some piece of mind we headed in. Just Lincoln and I- Only one parent (stupid Covid).</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">The nurse checked his length and weight and asked me if I had tried eliminating things from my diet. I told her I had tried dairy and caffeine. She asked how long. I said 5 days but I didn’t really notice a difference. She then laughed at me and replied “well that’s not long enough”. Maybe she saw the hurt in my eyes when I responded- “well how long am I supposed to test that? I’m literally just googling things”.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">“Oh well the doctor will go over that with you”</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">“Well that would be helpful, thanks” I replied with a little more spunk in my voice.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">She was totally right. Now that I have done the research I’m kicking myself for not trying longer but it’s all overwhelming. It just stung the way she said it when I already felt like I was failing my child. Plus my not eating cheese wouldn’t have solved our problem anyway.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Lincoln has a milk allergy not just a dairy intolerance. We read lots of food labels now- Bread made with milk had gotta go, items that “may contain milk” are not worth the risk. I mean I bought vegan butter. I’m gonna be a regular at Trader Joe’s now I guess.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">The doctor was much better with my feelings than the nurse that proceeded her. She told me it can take weeks or months to know. The easiest way was to test a diaper and sure enough they found blood in his stool.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">The days that followed have been long. I’ve struggled with so much guilt as I’ve watched my baby arch his back and cry- so uncomfortable and so sad.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Why didn’t I call sooner? Why didn’t a research more? I should have known it was more than gas. I’ve made him so sick. I should have stopped dairy sooner, for longer.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I’ve cried as he has cried knowing that we really just have to wait it out. We have walked around in the still triple digit heat, gone on many drives to sonic and taken lots of tubs trying to keep both of us calm. It’s been 10 days. The magic happens anywhere between 10 days and 3 weeks from what I understand but again- I’m just googling things. We see the doctor again in a week.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I feel like I get small moments of who my little baby really is. I know there is a happy soul inside that uncomfortable body. I can’t wait for it to shine. The last couple days I feel like I have gotten a few more smiles. The mornings are his favorite- which is funny because that is when I struggle most but maybe that is a tender mercy.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Thomas has been such a rockstar. He is busy with school but tries to give me a break as often as he can. Mom bought me a dairy-free cook book. I have lots of people cheering me on and checking in. Kira sent me a new hippo friend in the mail. We are gonna be okay. I keep telling myself he won’t remember this time.</p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">But back to the breastfeeding thing- the whole reason I started this middle of the night rant. If he doesn’t improve than his milk allergy may actually be a soy allergy. If that is the case our best chance is probably fancy formula. If I thought milk was in everything- soy makes dairy-free look easy.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I’ve been extremely surprised by how sad I feel at the thought of not nursing him anymore. He is 8 weeks old today. My goal of 6 weeks slipped past without me thinking about it much. I’m not sure when I stopped dreading it. I’m not sure I would say I just love nursing and I’m not the person to bash on bottles- that’s for sure not what I am saying. And that’s not why I don’t want to stop nursing.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I think it is just the fact that I worked so hard at it. It was so hard for me but it was something I wanted so I gritted my teeth (literally) and kept trying. We figured it out. Me and him </span>together.</p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">So now the thought of being done makes me feel really sad.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I’m already mourning the fact I have a freezer stash of milk from the last couple months of pumping that I’ll never get to use. Pumping makes me feel so inhuman. I feel like an animal but again- I wanted it and so I did it. And now I don’t get to have it.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Maybe this whole experience will turn me into one of those people that just loved breastfeeding their babies. I kinda doubt it but it did add a level of gratification. I’m grateful for the chance and really pretty proud of myself. Thomas asked me if I wanted to be done when we got word about the milk allergy. If it would have been during those first 6 weeks I would have been done without blinking. But somehow now it feels like it took too much work to get here to not give it a little longer.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">He is still spitting up with every feeding. The whole reason this is even got written is because he spit up in his bassinet waking himself up. I have a hard time putting him back to bed after he does that. He makes these weird choking/gasping sounds and so I just hold him because there is no way I can sleep after that and his Dad has a big test tomorrow so it’s just you and me tonight little dude. I’ll take a nap when Dad gets home tomorrow. And hey it’ll be day 11 dairy-free maybe you’ll be happy as can be! I really hope so.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI3-npVPJCxyI_J23N6HKWwsi8Blc2M_YPVlygY_h4D_6yyuMfHUZB0poQxKv4OL-rkf5M4kFEFmTVeQ3Ud2hLb3NUbQIthXvJ2zDCCCpk0UtDtNa97ROS74ZFb5R3ihyphenhyphenf7asju4XKKKaf/s2208/IMG_4964.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1127" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI3-npVPJCxyI_J23N6HKWwsi8Blc2M_YPVlygY_h4D_6yyuMfHUZB0poQxKv4OL-rkf5M4kFEFmTVeQ3Ud2hLb3NUbQIthXvJ2zDCCCpk0UtDtNa97ROS74ZFb5R3ihyphenhyphenf7asju4XKKKaf/s320/IMG_4964.PNG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFVtG58zhpZnTDccnr9moF6eq-Hz4glLvQR9ky1OvEMtYA8H8YeRCMhRxwuNwZS_-PqnZ1U0xN5u0p4AU_kP0weeH8Co3ZRr20q6P0a85zT4xQtNvNt58GIN_BvIo_7cS5CutN-ltzuVmz/s2208/IMG_4963.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFVtG58zhpZnTDccnr9moF6eq-Hz4glLvQR9ky1OvEMtYA8H8YeRCMhRxwuNwZS_-PqnZ1U0xN5u0p4AU_kP0weeH8Co3ZRr20q6P0a85zT4xQtNvNt58GIN_BvIo_7cS5CutN-ltzuVmz/s320/IMG_4963.PNG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriUy-I_USXXNjVncTQKtZn87cGhkKqTd6bsA5q6XtXgbcTlIw7POGSwgg849qh0oyxVpddBi-sllpU-5Js6_JaqgyuiwFzvYCTPTnrWJ742amqK4YjqgrZmcOp1Acm5M2rZmFdecg38QD/s4032/2FF140BC-63C8-4858-B13D-9357377E50C8-ADC52062-AE66-4C2F-8153-B0787CADFDCE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriUy-I_USXXNjVncTQKtZn87cGhkKqTd6bsA5q6XtXgbcTlIw7POGSwgg849qh0oyxVpddBi-sllpU-5Js6_JaqgyuiwFzvYCTPTnrWJ742amqK4YjqgrZmcOp1Acm5M2rZmFdecg38QD/s320/2FF140BC-63C8-4858-B13D-9357377E50C8-ADC52062-AE66-4C2F-8153-B0787CADFDCE.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPmXGzfz8VZ9uT1GLWP9uuHQPT-YlJUFV6LvryEHr5bEMYh1mvMYN-b1tXg8231yPRdevRFr8hEMUByOUosQnj8EKEB8LV3XH_K1838apfSlTGGyhItwTk-SQMrdWjKbFI3RicmvEsLO9g/s4032/IMG_4820.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPmXGzfz8VZ9uT1GLWP9uuHQPT-YlJUFV6LvryEHr5bEMYh1mvMYN-b1tXg8231yPRdevRFr8hEMUByOUosQnj8EKEB8LV3XH_K1838apfSlTGGyhItwTk-SQMrdWjKbFI3RicmvEsLO9g/s320/IMG_4820.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-83911297979620432582020-04-27T15:19:00.002-07:002020-04-27T15:19:26.841-07:00My Covid Baby<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">It’s late.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Thomas is asleep and I should be too but someone else is awake.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I feel him moving the most late at night. Sometimes I just like to lay here and feel him wiggle. It brings peace to my heart in a way nothing else can.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
It’s in these moments that he feels real. Not just an idea we talk about or a new need I create a registry for. It’s these late nights we share, just him and I, where he feels like my son.</span></span></span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Someone I am responsible for protecting.</span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">My Covid baby.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">I’ve been fortunate during this pandemic.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Yes,<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"> I am out of work. However, our student loan has been able to cover our rent. We wont have the savings we were planning for when the baby comes but we should still be alright.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Yes,<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"> everything in our life seemed to have changed over night.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">We are fortunate. We have gracious parents who have allowed us to live in their homes and eat their food. I've been able to see a few loved ones I wasn't planning on seeing for a while.</span></span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Yes, I’ve felt frustrated and worried about the virus but </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">none of my family members have been infected.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I know I am much better off than many.</span></span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Yet I’m still sad.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
This pregnancy feels controlled by the pandemic. I feel cheated out of seamingly small things: No traditional baby shower, no one to comment on my growing bump, no increased tips at work (my bank account was looking forward to that), no in store shopping for clothes or supplies.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
These are all trivial things but they felt important to me. Then there is the worry that the virus will spike again as some have predicted. These worries are less trival, rather big deal things.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Will this mean I’ll be alone in the delivery room? Will my mom be able to come stay with us when we bring the baby home? Will I get to introduce him to anyone in person? While I’m grateful for technology we all know that FaceTime just isn’t the same.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My covid baby.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><span style="color: black;"><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
How will his life be different because of this? Will I feel comfortable letting people hold him? If flu season wasn’t enough how will my new mother nerves handle corona? Will we get to have a baby blessing with a group larger than 10? Will I feel safe leaving my home for a walk in the park? When will I be able to take him to church or play group? Will my grandparents get to meet him?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Utah has been lucky as far as numbers go and that has allowed people to live more normally. While that isn’t necessarily bad, I feel a sense of panic watching St. George fill up like spring break every weekend. I know I can’t say much because I came here but I selfishly want everyone else to STAY AWAY! Stay home, stay safe. Yes, to flatten the curve. Yes, to protect those at risk. But also selfishly I want this to end so my last few months of pregnancy can be somewhat normal. And mostly so my baby won’t be a</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Covid baby.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><span style="color: black;"><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I have 114 days until my due date and I don’t feel like we are in the clear. I don’t think that we are going to get any closer to normal life by deciding that a few weeks of quarantine was enough. Now maybe I’m wrong. I hope I am. I hope we did enough to make the last month or so worth it. I guess I’m just not willing to take that risk. I guess I just think what was the point of it all if we don't see it through? It seems like a double standard to fast and pray, to not gather together, to sew masks and make thank you signs for front line workers... and then what... get tired of it and push for everything to go on as normal. I just don't know how to feel anymore.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I’ve seen all the posts “be kind”, “everyone is doing the best they know how”, “we aren’t all in the same boat” but during these late nights I feel selfish. I want what’s best for this baby.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My Covid baby.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><span style="color: black;"><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
No wonder he flips around so much late at night. His mom is a basket case.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I’m no doctor and I’m not a politician.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I don’t claim to know what is best for the health of the nation physically or finically. I try and stay away from news articles because neither argument makes me feel better.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
All I know is- I have done all I can to do my part. I haven’t seen any of my friends in St. George. I haven’t accepted any clients. I wore a mask to the grocery store and felt like a weirdo. But those are the only things I can control. I'm realistically a pretty insignificant part of the pandemic at large. We all are. That'<span style="background-color: transparent;">s why is doesn't work if we aren't pulling the same direction.</span></span></span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I wish these nights feeling him move allowed me to imagine what he will look like or grow up to be. It feels like I can’t picture those things until I know how I’m gonna get him here.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">So tonight I write down my thoughts hoping to clear some space for thoughts of a healthy, happy, visited, admired and safe</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strike>Covid</strike> baby.</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.5; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
</span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-5601935512856527712019-11-24T21:22:00.000-08:002019-11-24T21:22:53.657-08:00remembering themThomas has been out of town for a couple of days. I'm not sure why being home alone has driven me to write but it is about time I revisited this blog.<br />
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Over the summer I traveled to Salt Lake for a good friend's wedding. While I was there I was able to see my grandparents. Last year I lost a grandpa and a grandma. It sometimes doesn't feel real. Other times it feels far too real.<br />
I'm sad for my remaining grandparents who lost more than I can comprehend. My Grandpa told me how strange it has been to change his mentality from always being "we" to now always being "I". Thomas and I have only been married 2.5 years and he has only been gone 4 days. My routine has been thrown way off. I can't imagine how life would be after 60ish years with someone.<br />
I'm sad for my parents. Mom lost her mom and Dad lost his dad. I'm terrified for that day. There never really is a point when you don't need your parents.<br />
I'm sad my children wont get to know them in this life. I'm determined to tell them stories about the people they are probably hanging out with in Heaven right now.<br />
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I don't want to dwell on being sad their gone. I know I am blessed to have had them. I had all 4 grandparents at my wedding. Not very many people are that lucky.<br />
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Grandpa Frodsham<br />
His presence was so calming. As he got older I knew exactly where to find him- in a rocking chair by the fire. It is the first place his grandchild would go when they arrived at their house. I loved sitting there with him looking out the big window. He listened. He always listened. He wanted to know everything. He was so kind and loving. He made you feel like his favorite person. I never felt better about myself growing up than when I told grandpa about something I was proud of. He was always genuinely excited for you.<br />
Grandpa was a perfect patriarch. He taught us how important it was to be a Frodsham. He was proud of who he was and what he believed. Grandpa was a family man, a cowboy, an inventor, and a people watcher. I think maybe I got my love of people watching from him. He noticed things about people because he paid attention.<br />
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Grandma Marchant<br />
My Grandma taught me how to read a hymn book. One of my earliest memories of her was sitting in sacrament meeting while she held my hand to move my fingers down the row, one line at a time. Grandma loved hymns. Certain songs remind me of her. I loved the big piano in their front room. Grandma had dementia. While she forgot so many things she remembered music. She also taught me to tie my shoes with a little story of a bunny running around a tree. Grandma wasn't afraid to tell you how it was. She was honest and I loved her for it. She made me laugh. I've been told sass is a trait of Marchant women. It is one I'm pretty proud to have. Grandma was a world class worrier. She worried about everyone she loved. It is the trait I probably heard about most around the time of her funeral. To me it speaks to the ability she had to fiercely love her family. Your problems were her problems.<br />
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I see so much of them in my parents. My Dad listens like Grandpa did. He inherited his ability to make people feel important. Mom got Grandma's ability to teach me in clear and meaningful ways, and she most surely got her sass. ;)<br />
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As the holidays approach I miss them both a little extra. I don't think family gatherings will ever feel just right again.<br />
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Families are forever.<br />
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<br />megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-72302373909598709152018-04-07T19:35:00.000-07:002018-04-07T19:44:05.662-07:00Good EnoughI am a big believer in taking fun classes while in college. Classes that have nothing to do with your major or minor. Just a couple credits that make you feel happy to be in class. I have taken a class like this every semester from rock climbing to creative writing they have been some of my best college moments.<br />
This semester my fun class was an individual development course on positive living. It has turned out to feel a lot like therapy but more fun and less uncomfortable. I have loved it! Our units have included: gratitude, personal strengths and our top values. Currently we are studying mindfulness which is challenging but it has the potential to be so worth it.<br />
A few weeks ago we covered decision making. It was a really eye opening experience.<br />
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I'm not the most decisive person. I don't like to be the one to pick the restaurant or the movie. I spend too much time worrying about regretting my choices. Turns out that isn't all that uncommon. 90% of my classmates including myself admitted to being maximizers. A maximizer is someone who over thinks/analyzes/calcualates both before and after making a decision. Maximizers search for what they believe is the <b><u>perfect</u></b> decision.Then after they finally make a choice they wonder "what if".<br />
For example let's say we wanted to go get tacos. Maximizers look up the best places to get tacos on multiple websites. They may also text a few people for their opinion. Once they have found what they think is the very best option they head out for tacos. We will skip over the ordering part because that is a whole process on its own. After the taco place had been chosen and we were enjoying some delicious carne asada, maximers wonder if we picked the very best place or if maybe the other place would have been better.<br />
Doing this not only takes away from the experience they could be having with their taco but maximizing can lead to a whole list of things- higher chance for depression, lower levels of satisfaction, etc. Tacos seem like a simple decision but to some degree the majority of people maximize.</div>
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Satisfiers are the few people who just go with the flow and can feel happy with chicken, steak or pork without wondering if the other is better. Research finds that satisfiers have the ability to experience higher levels of satisfaction and report being happier overall.<br />
Moral of the story. I'm trying to make a positive effort to live life in the satisfiers lane. Instead of searching and agonizing over what the perfect decision is, I am making choices that are 'good enough'. What it has taught me is that there might not even be a perfect decision. I think Heavenly Father would push me a little harder if there was. Maybe He trusts us to make good enough decisions. I don't want to ruin my good enough decisions by worrying so much about it that I'm unhappy either way. I think good enough has a negative vibe to it but that isn't what I'm trying to illustrate. If we end up living in Provo for the rest of our life that can be good enough. We can be happy, healthy and in love where ever we end up. It will be good enough to keep our covenants, work hard and laugh a lot as life gets even crazier. It is good enough the plan we have come up with (which actually does not include Provo at all). Our life is GREAT and our decisions to make it great are good enough.<br />
I'm not very good at being a satisfier yet but I'm trying. I'm trying to enjoy my pork tacos in life without thinking about what would have happened if I had picked the chicken. Because pork is good enough and chicken is good enough and so on and so forth.<br />
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I have a wonderful, patient, loving husband who has been nothing but supportive over the last few months. I have struggled and agonized over the decisions we were making. I was making myself feel absolutely miserable no matter what we decided. I was grateful for this class I took because it help me just make a good enough decision and know that we were going to be more than okay.<br />
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megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-89684530477078684402018-02-06T14:31:00.000-08:002018-02-06T14:37:53.420-08:002017 Highlights<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I lost all of my photos at the end of last year. I am continually sad about it. A lot of friends I follow on Instagram reviewed their years on New Years. I stole some photos from Thomas and Facebook. I'm a little late in the game but here is my photo review of 2017...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">January</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">February</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">March</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">April</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">May</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">June</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">July</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">August</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">September</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">October</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">November</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">December</span><br />
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megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-5312000158602834682018-01-15T19:40:00.000-08:002018-01-15T19:40:00.619-08:00Hello 2018Hello 2018<br />
Hello age 23<br />
Hello new apartment<br />
Hello next level of adulthood<br />
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Hello blog reader,<br />
It's been a heck of a Year already. Today is MLK day and I spent the day off school doing homework. The semester is in full swing. I like almost all of my class and will probably spend much of the semester with my nose in a book. Being busy and back in school has felt good. I like to learn even if I can be grumpy about it. I would still take my classes over T's. It is pretty exciting to think this is his last semester before graduation.<br />
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Being back at school means we are in Provo again and this time we get to live together!!! I rather enjoy being married to Thomas. We live at Wymount right across from the MTC.<br />
The crazy thing about Wymount is that Mom and Dad lived here AND Grandpa and Grandma Marchant lived here the first year they were built. I almost lost it when I heard that.<br />
I love being next door to the temple and close enough to walk to school. Our apartment is bigger than we need. We have 3 bedrooms. The first night we were here I had a small emotional breakdown. I told Thomas it was too big and that we would never see each other or that he would get tired of me and hide in the other room....... I know I was a little dramatic. So far he hasn't. We've pretty much finished unpacking and it feels more like home everyday.<br />
We are anxiously awaiting our living room set to be delivered this week. It will be awesome to have couches. We have been watching the Office in camp chairs. I don't remember who gave them to us but what an awesome wedding present they've turned out to be.<br />
It's still crazy to believe we bought a living room set. It's the most money (other than school) I've ever spent. It is a new level of adulthood to pick a coffee table and think "what do I want to have for the next 10 or so years." I think we picked some good stuff and I can't wait to have it all arrive.<br />
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I'm a little late on documenting my birthday. We spent our first few days in Provo watching the Corey kids. One of those days was my 23rd Birthday. Thomas took every chance to make it special. He let me sleep in and saw the older kids off to school. We went to breakfast while they were all at school. Then later he let me sneak away to take a nap while he played games with the younger kids. We had a pizza party and opened presents later that night. I even bought the fancy Dairy Queen blizzard ice cream cake- it was absolutely delicious!<br />
23 sounds older than I feel. I spent the last year forgetting I was 22 and telling people I was 21 so maybe that is why I'm so confused.<br />
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I expect great things from this year. So much of where we are going to be after May is unknown. Do we head off to PT school, stick around Provo or move back to St. George to lock down my degree.... It's all a bit overwhelming. However, here is what I do know...<br />
I'll spend 365 days this year married to the most incredibly kind person.<br />
I'll have to make some big decisions but I don't have to do it all on my own.<br />
I'll miss that cute missionary brother of mine but anxiously await every email.<br />
I'll still have two wonderful families to celebrate life with. We are expecting a new niece or nephew this summer- we can't wait!<br />
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Yippy for 2018 xoxo<br />
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New Years Eve</div>
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Early Bday dinner at Cafe Sabor in STG- soooo good! Thanks for sharing Logan, UT!</div>
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We ate this for days. yum yum yum</div>
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Some of my favorite humans. A Happy Birthday indeed.</div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-8040833784689428002017-12-20T19:15:00.004-08:002017-12-20T19:15:50.658-08:00Christmas Wishes from the Rich'sI did not make a Christmas card this year. Am I adult enough to do that now? Well maybe next year. Until then I'm sending my Christmas wishes through the internet.<br />
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MERRY CHRISTMAS</div>
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We love our friends and family and are so grateful for the support we received this year.</div>
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It was a really big year for us, WE GOT MARRIED! This is our first Christmas for our new little family of 2. It's been fun to compare Christmas traditions and talk about how we will blend them together. We were almost engaged last Christmas but because both our parents live in St. George we spent Christmas morning apart. I'm excited to experience the magic together.<br />
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LIGHT THE WORLD</h2>
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We were so excited to take part in the church's <span style="color: red;"><a href="https://www.mormon.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">#lighttheworld</span></a> </span>initiative.</h3>
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We didn't have long on temple square so we jumped into the shortest line.</div>
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We each took a turn to purchase clean drinking water. </div>
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If you don't know what I'm talking about follow the link above. This year The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is inviting everyone to light the world by doing good. One thing you can do is visit temple Square in Salt Lake City. My parents used one of the fancy vending machines to purchase a goat that will be sent internationally. You can also donate locally or like us donate clean drinking water. It's a fun way to be charitable this Christmas season.</div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-10667233976560226302017-11-20T13:48:00.000-08:002017-11-20T13:48:00.596-08:00I Climb Mountains.<h2 style="text-align: center;">
RIM TO RIM</h2>
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5 AM was cold and the sun was hours from making an appearance. I was nervous and excited as I pulled on a second pair of socks then squinted in the bright flash of the before picture.<br />
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It felt like it took forever to get light. Hiking in the dark was fun for the first minute or two but then it made me nervous not seeing more than a couple feet in front of me. Slowly, as the sun woke, the magic of the Canyon came to life.<br />
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It. was. breathtaking.</div>
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I have visited the Grand Canyon many times now but being inside it felt different. I did great the first 9 miles and highly enjoyed chatting with my in-laws. Well before the half-way point that I began to feel tired. A cliff bar at our first rest stop and a bag of cheez-its through the long gorge worked wonders in giving me more energy. I was continually amazed at the human body. I didn't train (big mistake), I didn't prepare well sleep or hydration wise (also a mistake) but I asked my legs to work and they did. Our bodies are far more capable of extremes than I often recognize.</div>
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I was grateful for the chance to hike with Matthew and Clarissa. We talked books and movies, Harry Potter baby names and for at least 2 miles of pizza. There is a lot to discuss when comparing pizza places. Hungry Howies will forever have my heart.<br />
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We took a short detour somewhere in the first half to explore ribbon falls. Those couple extra miles are well worth it in my opinion. The bridge is pretty sketchy but the waterfall is phenomenal. An extra couple of miles didn't seem like a big deal when we were already hiking over 2 dozen. One thing you can't tell from the tourist viewpoints of the Grand Canyon is how green it is down there.<br />
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It was fun to watch the scenery change from rocky to green to bridges over the Colorado River.<br />
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I found the view stunningly beautiful hiking alongside the river. The second half of the hike really is incredible. However, my post lunch hiking was not as enthusiastic as those first 13 miles. My muscles ached and my head hurt. A blister had formed on my toe and negative thinking filled my head. We were all less talkative and focused on keeping a steady pace. Daniel and Stephen had run a marathon the month before so their speed was far faster than ours. We didn't even try to stay with them.</div>
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I can easily separate the hike in half. The first half was exciting, adventurous and fun. The second half was a struggle. I don't think I will ever hike it again but if I do I will be sure to prepare better. I would still be in the bottom of that Canyon if I hadn't been hiking with Thomas. Everyone dreads the last 4.6 miles. I had been told many times about the switchbacks. I was anxious about my ability to get up the South Rim but the truth of the matter is- you have to get out. There is no way of avoiding it. Our goal was to get out before dark. I REALLY didn't want to hike out after dark. We were slow but kept moving. Thomas would switch between placing his hand on my back and lightly pushing me and holding my hand to pull me. I was so grateful to have him.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieX7aHn63ODCjBpB495rNaOZ-Dx1Jdbq_TxHsKXnNhCAzxqzhT85CNSrty5zV180CJYHeoetEJpFTSgbjq3Yc3VdLkPzNYBVsd1zegsxpLtZw524PiqhwQHow6kxufIc53zMj3p18VUcrY/s1600/unnamed+%25283%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieX7aHn63ODCjBpB495rNaOZ-Dx1Jdbq_TxHsKXnNhCAzxqzhT85CNSrty5zV180CJYHeoetEJpFTSgbjq3Yc3VdLkPzNYBVsd1zegsxpLtZw524PiqhwQHow6kxufIc53zMj3p18VUcrY/s640/unnamed+%25283%2529.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If we look exhausted it is because we are.</td></tr>
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I ran some wicked track workouts back in the day but my legs have never burned like this. Every step hurt. I didn't stretch cuz I'm a baby and it hurt too bad. Those last couple of miles were harder than the rest of the hike put together and it felt like it would never end.</div>
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It did end. We made it out right as it was really getting dark. Total time 13 hours. We weren't speedy by any means. I marvel at the people who do Rim to Rim to Rim. I can't imagine turning around at the top and going back.</div>
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As we made our way up the last and longest switch back Thomas pointed out Daniel, his Dad and Stephen. When he didn't I couldn't help myself, I started to cry. I was just so ready to be done and so relieved that we had actually finished.</div>
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The days to follow were humbling. I hobbled around as my muscles took their sweet time to recover. They eventually did and I'm sitting here writing this grateful for the experience.</div>
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Oh what a wonderful world. Oh what a fantastic place I live. I'll miss it. I can count the days on one hand until we move and it's surreal.</div>
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megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-46684447830329897922017-10-30T09:45:00.000-07:002017-10-30T09:45:05.175-07:00Fill in the blankThings are finally slowing down here at Jacob Lake. With newfound free time I am itching to start writing again. Before I do so I might need to fill in the half a year gap here for my posterity.<br />
<br />
A lot has happened since I last wrote.<br />
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<h3>
1. I got married</h3>
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May 6th 2017 was everything I ever dreamed it would be. It was a fairytale wedding. The kind every little girl dreams of. I will forever be grateful for my mom and mother-in-law and all who assisted them in bringing my dream wedding to life.<br />
<h3>
<br />2. I moved to Arizona</h3>
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After a glorious honeymoon to Orlando we packed up and moved. We aren't too far across the state border but boy this is so different from home. We live in the beautiful Kaibab National Forest. I guess technically it is a town but we are the only thing for many many miles. Bad cell service, limited internet and a group of college kids working sometimes long hours. It is a unique and wonderful place.<br />
Our original plan was to spend a few months of the summer here. As time came for us to go back to school there seemed to be just as many reasons to stay as there were to leave. I struggled with the decision and while I have missed many things (family, friends, college, sports etc.) At the same time I am very grateful the Lord prompted us to stay.<br />
We only have a month left and I know that I will really miss it here. I have gained so many skills and confidence in my ability to problem solve and work hard. However, I'm pretty excited to have a weekend again.<br />
<h3>
<br />3. Michael left on a mission</h3>
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<br />
New Zealand sounds like a dream mission but in the 2 months he has been out that young missionary has dealt with more responsibility and hard situations than some missionaries face their whole 2 years. He is obedient and hard working and I could not be more proud to be his sister. I love Elder Frodsham. I miss him.<br />
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Before he went we took a cruise to Mexico. The sea sick Frodsham's had a good time!<br />
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<h3>
4. I went on MANY adventures</h3>
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<br />
Living where we do has given us the opportunity to see spend over our fair share of time in some of this part of the world's most spectacular places.<br />
Some of my favorites have been:<br />
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Grand Canyon North AND South Rim<br />
Bryce Canyon National Park<br />
Zion National Park (old time fav)<br />
Cedar Breaks<br />
Horse-shoe Bend<br />
Lake Powell<br />
White Pockets<br />
Sand Dunes<br />
and lots of Southern Utah (there is no place like home)<br />
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We are gearing up to hike Rim to Rim next week and I'm nervous but can't wait.<br />
<h3>
<br />5. I fall more in love everyday</h3>
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I knew I loved Thomas pretty early on in our relationship but what I didn't know was how depended upon him I would become. I crave his presents and he brings a sense of security to my soul. I am a very very lucky girl! It has been a magical 6 months!megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-42255483381502315192017-10-30T09:03:00.002-07:002017-10-30T09:03:25.286-07:00UnplugThe easiest way to determine if you are addicted to something is to take it away and see how you do without.<br />
<br />
My addictions include:<br />
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Microwave popcorn,<br />
Dr. Pepper,<br />
Q-tips,<br />
and Crest 3D white toothpaste.<br />
<br />
I don't function well without them. Those addictions I'm okay with (maybe a little guilty about the soda but I've accepted it).<br />
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For the first few months we lived in the Kaibab we had no wifi and for those months I used all the data on our family plan. I would drain my phone battery waiting for things to load and missed out on some beautiful summer afternoons outside. I knew I was a typically millennial who loved their smart phone but I didn't want to be addicted.<br />
<br />
We now have spotty wifi so I don't hog the data but I certainly didn't learn to do without when I was given the opportunity.<br />
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I love tasty videos. Instagram pictures. Snapchat stories.... the works. And while it isn't necessarily evil it sure doesn't strike gold on the good-better-best scale.<br />
<br />
I know it.<br />
<br />
I know I could do better at being present, being productive and being proud of how I use my time.<br />
<br />
So here I am putting it in writing because as the saying goes-<br />
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a goal not written is only a wish.</div>
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[and yes I recognize the irony of posting it on the internet]</div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-86117843096759431372017-03-16T17:32:00.001-07:002017-03-16T17:34:13.436-07:00no more 'BUT'sI learned a life skill that I would like to attempt to share with you.<br />
It involves removing the word "but" from your vocabulary. Who knew the difference three letters could make to a statement.<br />
<br />
It isn't a big secret that I harbor some hard feelings towards my time as a full-time missionary. I struggle when conversations of mission stories roll around at social functions. I find myself caught between wanting to be honest and not wanting to come across super cynical. I will never discredit the value of missionary work.<br />
my responses have traditional been<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"My mission was hard BUT I am grateful I went."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"I'm glad I served a mission BUT you couldn't pay me enough to go again."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"I loved being called as a Spanish speaking missionary BUT I don't speak very well."</div>
Almost every single time my responses include a but.<br />
I credit it to my attempt to be true to both the good and the bad. I always want to be honest.<br />
<br />
Turns out it has been doing some rotten things to my emotional well being and I was taught a way to do it better-<br />
replace all the buts with an <i>and</i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
My mission was hard AND I am grateful I went.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm glad I served AND you couldn't pay me enough to go again.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I loved being called as a Spanish speaking missionary AND I struggled with the language.</div>
Both parts of those statements are true. However, it feels different to say AND instead of BUT.<br />
<br />
I'm working through all the things that stop me from living my life with no regrets AND it is hard AND healthy AND scary AND liberating.<br />
In life it doesn't have to be one or the other. It can be both, and in my opinion most times it is.<br />
<br />
I imagine motherhood to be wonderful AND hard.<br />
I know school is overwhelming AND enlightening.<br />
Losing a loved one can be the right thing AND heartbreaking.<br />
<br />
So how about that.. no more buts. Try it- I dare you!megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-76143400272718458302017-02-28T15:56:00.001-08:002017-02-28T15:56:40.065-08:00Remember me?Hey there Blog of mine,<br />
I'm still here, promise. I feel sad that some of the most memorable moments of my life have resulted in such a busy feeling that I don't visit here to document them.<br />
I get frequent questions about being engaged. Is it hard? Do I think my engagement is too long? Am I failing all my classes?<br />
I have a hard time answering any of them confidently. I remember being told it was hard and that I would struggle in school. And it is and I am but it's also magical and wonderful and happy!<br />
I think for the most part people have painted this really negative image of the engagement period of a relationship. It is challenging and I'm 100% positive marriage will be way better than this but at the same time our relationship is growing at such a fantastic rate.<br />
Planning a wedding is harder than my Pinterest boards and I thought it would be. In all honesty though when this thing is all over Mom gets all the credit! She is so patient with me and so organized.<br />
As silly as it sounds I've struggled the most with picking a cake flavor.. I know.. of ALL the decisions that go into planning a wedding (and there are way more of them than I thought there were) that cake got me.<br />
Poor Thomas.<br />
He is really good at having opinions when I ask for them but every time we start talking about the cake I turned into this really grumpy/emotional bride to be. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!(and I really don't want to be that). We pick colors, talk about DJs, food, decorations and I'm fine but over and over again I would have weird break downs about that stupid cake!!! I'll eat one bite of it and that's it. I was frustrated because I could rapid fire a list of things I didn't want but could not make a decision.<br />
We still haven't finalized that little detail haha BUT I've learned a couple things.<br />
1. We can't make decisions when I'm hungry.<br />
in the words of T's brother "Megan, you are not yourself when your hungry."<br />
Hanger is a real thing.<br />
2. I really am marrying the person who would do anything to make me happy. He is kind, patient and thoughtful. He understands me. He knows when it is better for me to just go to bed, how to motivate me to study and makes me laugh when I feel sad. He reminds me that as long as we are sealed in the temple the rest of it is just extra stuff.<br />
3. If I don't manage my stress the unhappy Megan comes back. Thomas says it is a 95% to 5% ratio. But that 5% got really bad. I guess it didn't go away like I thought. There are still things I'm working through. I made a therapy appointment then canceled it. Started running consistently then quit. Bought healthy food from the grocery store then ate more chicken nuggets. It's daily and most days that 5% stays were it should but on days that is doesn't I'm extra grateful for Thomas. I'm extra grateful for Mom and Dad.<br />
I had a complete melt down of insecurity trying to pick something to wear for our engagement pictures. I emptied my closet more than once, made myself sick and then on that day I was extra grateful for a kind, understanding sister. Haley not only helped me feel pretty but also took some wonderful pictures!<br />
4. Life with Thomas is going to be so fun!(although I think I already knew that) Wedding prep is well on its way, our honeymoon is planned and we are so excited for all of it!<br />
2 months 7 days and 16 hours :) :) :)<br />
5. Growing up is a little scary. While I am sooooo excited- I'm also nervous. I've seen my life change drastically. My decisions are no longer my decisions- they are ours. My plans for the summer, next school year.. life!! They all now involve someone else. Our conversations and plans have hit me hard that it will never again be my money, my apartment or even my family. If there is anyone in this world I would want to share EVERYTHING with it would be Thomas.<br />
and not just things- every vacation, every hope/dream, all of my concerns and worries as well.<br />
I'm in an eternal families class this semester and if I have learned anything there it is that I'm so grateful it's Thomas!!!<br />
So when I look back on this post next year and want to tell people that being engaged was so hard and long remember this: it is hard in some ways but it is wonderful in just as many!<br />
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megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-22734475123012963982017-01-24T19:49:00.001-08:002017-01-24T19:49:15.818-08:00EEEEEEEPPPPPPPP ENGAGED!!!<div class="MsoNormal">
THIS IS NOT A DRILL- THIS IS REAL LIFE!!!! Part of me feels
like I should write this whole post in all caps because I am beyond thrilled!
I'm engaged to the most wonderful man, the boy of my dreams, the love of my
life! May 6th is going to be the most magical day but we have so many magical
days before that day and a life time of magical days after.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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January 20th was a REALLY magical day. I have to hand it to
Thomas he was really chill all day. Most of what we did was my idea so I wasn't
expecting him to propose. Had I been wishing and hoping for weeks that he
would?- yes, but I didn't think it was happening that day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I called him after class and told him I need some time to
finish some things before we headed out for what I thought was a low key night
at Jayne's apartment in Salt Lake (Jayne is Thomas's sister who lives right
down town. He was wasn't suspicious at all suggesting we go to Zupas. Then I
had suggested running to the mall on our way out. Turns out Thomas faked a
headache and went back to his house for Tylenol just to waste time. Really I
was lied to sooooo many times that day haha and from a boy who is always honest
with me I was so trusting. He said lying that day didn't count.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again it was me that suggested we visit the state capitol
while in Salt Lake. We wondered around and I was so happy just being with him.
We sat and talked for a long time. He did pretty good a killing time and
avoiding my suggestion to just go hang out with his brother at Jayne's
apartment. After what felt like hours (oh wait it was hours...) at the capitol
we headed over.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The moment I thought "well maybe he is gonna propose"
was when he told me to leave all my stuff in the car and that we would come get
it later. I had told my self not to expect to get engaged because if it didn't
happen I would be sad instead of enjoying a fun weekend in Salt Lake. He told
me he wanted to show me the view from the roof. You would think that was a dead
give away but I just had convinced myself that it wasn't happening. He had me
close my eyes and actually ran me into a pole LOL. He tells me that he was
distracted by the set up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was allowed to open my eyes the person I love most in
this world was down on one knee. It is the moment that as a girl you dream
about. I had wondered what it was going to feel like when that moment came and
it was more than I could ever have imagined. I made some ugly crying sounds and
I think I said a yes in there somewhere. The view from that roof top really is
great and I was able to appreciate it for what it was the next morning covered
in snow. But that night I didn't even look out at the city. I had two other
things to look at. 1. the 'perfect in every way' ring that now lives on my left
hand and 2. the face that I'll get to wake up to every morning in a short 102
days.<o:p></o:p></div>
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yes, I'm counting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love Thomas! I can't wait to be Mrs. Rich! He brings an
unexplainable peace and reassurance to my soul. He makes me feel beautiful,
capable and safe, I've never been so happy!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Photo credit to my sneak sneak roommates! It was fun to have
them and Daniel there. They are a blessing in my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thomas's family members were waiting down in Jayne's
apartment and just like any normal Rich family get together we ate pizza and
watched a Jazz game. It was fantastic!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I called home to St. George in a pretty emotional state.
They of course all knew it was coming. I stayed in that kind of surreal state
of mind through the pizza and celebratory cake. I've also never felt more
popular as social media comments and text messages drained my phone battery in
about an hour. It was fun.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I actually don't think I have come down from the OH MY GOSH
WE ARE ENGAGED high yet. I'm struggling a little paying attention in class
distracted by seeing how my ring sparkles in the different classroom lights.
hehehe<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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Anyway.. There is the engagement story for ya. It's pretty
joyful!!!! So in love! So happy!<o:p></o:p></div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-1400809212900511292017-01-17T15:48:00.001-08:002017-01-17T15:48:28.560-08:00Baby BrotherHi blog.. I'm back again, which means I have something to say that I can't really put anywhere else.<br />
<br />
I have a younger brother- he gets under my skin in mere seconds but boy I'm one proud big sister. It's funny because no one can put me in a bad mood faster than that 18 year old kid but he will never ever know just how much I respect his opinion. One of my greatest and kinda secret desires is for Michael to think I'm 'cool'. This last weekend I was able to attend one of his High School basketball games.<br />
Watching Michael play is more exciting to me than any college or professional level game. I'm so emotionally invested in the handsome young men on the court. These boys now tower over me but it hasn't always been the case. I've watch the same group of once little kids run up and down a court since they could dribble a ball. I've always liked going to games and missing an entire season made me feel more homesick than most things while I was on a mission.<br />
To help put things in perspective there are a few background details you should know.<br />
It was Mom who told me about how the bottom of every pair of his basketball shoes have a sharpie written "MTB" on the bottom. She asked him one day why that was.<br />
His response...<br />
"Make Them Believe."<br />
He reminded her of the time in the 7th grade he was placed on the "B team". It was that year I remember him spending hours a day at the church by himself shooting. Michael isn't the tallest or the fastest. He is athletic but doesn't have NBA future skills. What he does have is determination and the best attitude I have ever seen. He told my mom that his goal starting then was to 'make them believe' that he could do it. He could be the kind of player he needed to be to succeed. His hard work has been consistent since.<br />
High School sports are hard. Athletics can teach us such great lessons of dedication and hard work but never did I put the kind of time or energy into running. Maybe it is because Michael loves it more but I think a lot of it has to do with the person he is.<br />
He is the youngest and always expected to be the fun one or the funny one or responsible or is compared to his older siblings or expected to be a certain way as the Stake President's son. He is going to High School in an environment I believe is far worse than even just a few years ago when I was there. I consistently hear about him leaving parties or being the one to hold his peers to higher standards. He isn't a glory seeker- not socially or athletically. He is just good.<br />
I watched him this last weekend walk to the middle of the court as a captain. Both teams were still warming up and almost no one watched him and his best friend shake hands with the refs but my heart skipped a beat and I thought<br />
"Michael.. I believe" <br />
He may still be working his tail off every day to make his coaches believe with every minute he gets on the court but he could not play another minute all season and the effects of what he has done thus far would be immeasurable.<br />
He inspires me not only to dream but to do something about those dreams.<br />
#12<br />
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<br />megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-47081563687406180472016-12-29T22:09:00.003-08:002016-12-29T22:09:59.904-08:00Bliss<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
2 beautiful weddings.</div>
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There really isn't anything more special than a temple sealing of two people in love.</div>
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Oh how I love my permanent plus one- Thomas and I spent a weekend in Salt Lake with his family and a quick trip to California with mine.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">SALT LAKE</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">SAN DIEGO</span></div>
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**Disclaimer- "I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it." If you don't want to read about it- leave this page now.<br />
<br />
It has been over a month since my last post and in that time I've come to understand the validity of phrases like<br />
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"took my breath away"</div>
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or</div>
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"weak at the knees"</div>
all the sappy lines you hear in a nicolas sparks movie might not be that far fetched.<br />
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Life with Thomas Rich is pure bliss.</div>
This Christmas vacation has been so special. We consider it a big blessing that we both are from St. George. It has made it possible to split time between both our families. I love the moments I spend with the Rich's and am always eager for Thomas to experience life at the Frodsham's.<br />
I love him more than I know how to say and am so looking forward to all of the exciting things to come over the next few months. 2017 is gonna be a good year for us!<br />
Everyone deserves a Thomas (but I'm not willing to share mine). He is good. kind. funny. handsome. hard working. driven. loving. thoughtful. respectful. just the right balance of silly and serious.<br />
Every time the light hits those bright blue eyes butterflies jump inside me. I'm so lucky that those eyes so often look at me!<br />
Going to weddings was a fun new first for us this break. I love nothing more than true love and witnessing "for time and all eternity" and found it especially magical when I got to be their with the man I love with all my heart.megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-67813590466000769112016-11-30T16:14:00.000-08:002016-11-30T16:14:09.607-08:00Thankful for ThanksgivingI miss blogging. I can never seem to justify writing a blog post when I have papers and quizzes to complete. However, I worked super hard this week so I am rewarding myself before beginning the next set of end of semester projects. I can't believe how quickly this semester has gone by.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">GRATITUDE IS SAID TO BE THE MEMORY OF OUR HEART</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Joseph F. Smith</span></div>
My heart will cherish the memories of last weekend.Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Maybe it is because I have so much to be thankful for. I'm so blessed with wonderful people in my life.<br />
While Thanksgiving truly is my favorite, my favorite part of Thanksgiving happens Wednesday night. We call it <i>Pie Night- </i>it is the best tradition. You see if you eat the way my family eats you get full to the breaking point with Turkey and all appropriate sides during dinner. You might be able to muscle down one piece of pie an hour later. It is for this reason we hold pie night. Pie deserves to be the center of attention. We include an actual meal but many people skip over it and dive into the pie. Everyone brings several and you eat until you're sick. The left over pies are served the next day as well. If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving with a prelude of pies than in my opinion- you're doing it wrong.<br />
The rest of the weekend was just as enjoyable as that pie night. We gathered for breakfast with the Frodsham family and dinner with the Marchants. I love those People more than I know how to express. For the last few days we headed to St. George and played played played. It was Coco's birthday! I hadn't seen her since August and about cried like she did when we pulled in around midnight. Some car trouble made us all grateful that everyone made it home to be together. It was fun to have Thomas over for all the fun. Leaving St. George was almost physically painful on Sunday. I miss living there.<br />
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It is a good thing He lives in Provo.</div>
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Even though the snow came down relentlessly on Monday it was one of my favorite days. Thomas's nephew was born so I ditched out on New Testament and tagged along to a fun filled day with the Rich family. Their family has been decorating a tree at the festival of trees since it opened. I had never been before and loved spending the day there meeting lots of family and taking part in such a fun tradition. They are good people.</div>
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The highlight of the day was watching Thomas meet that brand new baby. I've heard about this little guy since I met Thomas. He has loved him for a long time now. Meet Bentley Matthew Rich a beautiful baby boy who made it to the world in time to catch the Jazz game.</div>
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megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-12631661167561505862016-11-15T17:46:00.001-08:002016-11-15T17:46:43.853-08:00closet poet? probably not.I am feeling extremely frustrated at the measly 486 words of my fiction piece for creative writing. I sat in the library and started it over and over again. I hated it and deleted it at least 4 times. Finally I gave up and went on a run hoping the fall air and probably the last bit of sunshine for a while would clear my head. Sadly inspiration didn't come on that run. When an idea (thanks to kira) started to appear on my word document I realized- of those 486 words not a signal one of them so far is made up.<br />
Let's face it... making up stories isn't one of my talents. I have been nervous for this unit in my creative writing class all semester. I ate up the non-fiction like dinner on a fast Sunday. I gritted my teeth through the poetry assignments. I'm not a poet but I loved the reading my professor asked us to do in preparation for class each day. I didn't always find the confusing stanzas so incredible like many of my classmates and chuckled as my friend Matt whispered "do you think they would say the same things if I wrote that?" No Matt... if your name was E. E. Cummings you could write "red rabbit run" and they would say it was original and profound but until then, no.<br />
And with that said here are a couple of my poems from class.<br />
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Inspired by Love Poem with Toast by Miller Williams<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span style="text-align: center;"> </span></div>
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Love Poem with (Chocoloate
Peanut butter and Banana) Breakfast Essentials Smoothie<o:p></o:p></div>
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Some of what I hope, I hope<o:p></o:p></div>
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to see shoot star wishes come true.<o:p></o:p></div>
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that I’ll get an A, that I’ll find a job I love,<o:p></o:p></div>
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that I’ll have a happily ever after.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The rest of what I hope, I hope<o:p></o:p></div>
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to come out on top.<o:p></o:p></div>
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that I’ll graduate without too much debt, that depression
will stay where I left it,<o:p></o:p></div>
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that old wounds with new layers of skin heal completely.<o:p></o:p></div>
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With hundreds of forks in the road<o:p></o:p></div>
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shaping my journey through life,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I make decisions, the best I can, experimenting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding what to eat,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding what to wear,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding who to love,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding how much or how little,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding to keep trying,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding when to quit,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding what time to set the alarm,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding to pick up an extra shift,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding what is appropriate,<o:p></o:p></div>
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deciding when to make the jump,<o:p></o:p></div>
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as I wonder and worry<o:p></o:p></div>
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not knowing what to expect,<o:p></o:p></div>
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as I evaluate the coming day,<o:p></o:p></div>
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as the to do list gets longer and the dreams get wilder,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I sip my breakfast drink and anticipate.<o:p></o:p></div>
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One of the many things I planned on but never got around to blogging about inspired this "imagistic poem"</div>
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The lights go down slowly,<o:p></o:p></div>
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as energy quickly rises.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Hundreds of strangers<o:p></o:p></div>
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brought together for a few hours to never see each other
again,<o:p></o:p></div>
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standing shoulder to shoulder anxiously gazing into
glaring lights.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lights flash first blazing white then fire red,<o:p></o:p></div>
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blinding and mesmerizing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Burning your eyes but holding your gaze.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Soaking in rhythmic drum beats<o:p></o:p></div>
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enchanting hips and heads to sway left then right.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The mood drops to something sentimental.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Stars twinkle from iPhone flashlights<o:p></o:p></div>
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as robotically arms go into the air.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Throats soar, feet aching<o:p></o:p></div>
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backs and necks sticky with sweat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The final cord is struck in a fireworks of lights<o:p></o:p></div>
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and fan girl screams.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The lights go back up,<o:p></o:p></div>
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the energy drops,<o:p></o:p></div>
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the arena empties.<o:p></o:p></div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-89407176666068286222016-10-28T11:17:00.001-07:002016-10-29T14:07:12.838-07:00Jacob Lake + Facebook OfficialI spent a few incredible days in one of the most beautiful places with the most charming guy.<br />
I'm a pretty lucky girl if you ask me (or if you ask anyone who knows Thomas).<br />
It is hard to explain what that weekend was like- struggling to find words to describe the way it felt to be there. (And to be blunt a lot of it was also too special for the blog anyway but my journal and I had a good time.)<br />
It was so fun to see Thomas in the place I hear so many stories about. His family has owned Jacob Lake for a couple generations. Growing up Thomas spent every summer there and you can tell he loves it. I had the opportunity to meet most of his immediate family. The idea of meeting them actually terrified me but I had nothing to be afraid of. They were so nice and easy to be with. I think I probably spent more time with them without Thomas than I did with him there. He was busy that weekend and I was lazy. He worked as a waiter and I creepily watched him charm every table. I knew he was good at it but it was fun to watch just how good. I made a few salads and wiped off a couple of tables but for the most part I just ate a lot and chatted with T's mom or sister.<br />
If you are looking for a good vacation location I would highly recommend a Grand Canyon get away.<br />
<a href="http://www.jacoblake.com/">http://www.jacoblake.com/</a><br />
Everything I ate there felt like the new best thing I had eaten. I couldn't get over the trees or how perfect the weather was. It was nothing short of magical.<br />
The first night we went to look at the stars. I don't remember exactly how many shooting stars I saw but it was a good number. There were so many stars in the sky and in my eyes. I felt a little like I was living a scene of a romance movie; curled up next to the most incredible boy under a sky that looked photo-shopped my heart raced a million beats per minute. I truly was star struck and stayed that way all weekend. I can't wait to go back.<br />
It was dreamy to have T kiss me goodnight and then be the first person I saw the next morning when he came to get me for breakfast. His college apartment really isn't that far away from mine but compared to down the hall it might as well be in the next city. We were spoiled. I picked the movie one night and fell asleep in the first 10 minutes and of course he didn't wake me up because he is nice even if I put his arm to sleep. He treats me like a queen. I'm so lucky to call him mine!<br />
I always said I would never make a relationship Facebook official. I had my reasons. However, when Thomas asked me about it all those reasons didn't seem to apply. Sooooo we are Facebook official and as silly as it seems I couldn't be happier about it. He is wonderful in every way and I will gladly call dibs on him- Facebook and all.<br />
It is crazy to look back on the last couple of months and think that he hasn't been around as long as I feel like he has. We joke all the time that we have been dating for years not months. I've never been happier (insert corny heart eye emoji)<br />
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<br />megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-21037821242739902172016-10-19T19:52:00.001-07:002016-10-19T19:52:55.163-07:00Narrow Lights Photography<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Her name is Alisa Bench, she has been a big blessing in my life and she can make anyone feel photogenic. I loved being her model for a day. I would highly recommend her.</div>
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Check her out <a href="http://narrowlights.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">HERE</span></a></div>
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and </div>
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/littlebench/?hl=en" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">HERE</span></a> on instagram</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAI32jLJ_c0YAvNSOKqckJ7nhyphenhypheneuXZo-eu0gE45G7eZwcezYVygnxKUbSuJ_2MK5KuvRQjpA3KLT1JSUdbuxY2HWrICOh-nLzsNjeygaQlOXcJg3KteF4ZCc-5M2GOd8aQXCGwWtmJfjPD/s1600/unnamed+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAI32jLJ_c0YAvNSOKqckJ7nhyphenhypheneuXZo-eu0gE45G7eZwcezYVygnxKUbSuJ_2MK5KuvRQjpA3KLT1JSUdbuxY2HWrICOh-nLzsNjeygaQlOXcJg3KteF4ZCc-5M2GOd8aQXCGwWtmJfjPD/s640/unnamed+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIY1vdSKtgFAxokfgN0TEUOUfj4m5kE1SKp5RKzHX19iJcIJcbTOyDl590IqW77WSdbT_JR-sDmQiNhkaXsnVxSI8pu2VqLPm2sdqQCc4jD-psKlXK_hBZTlNCC-CBPncv5OXcnRjb-z3H/s1600/unnamed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIY1vdSKtgFAxokfgN0TEUOUfj4m5kE1SKp5RKzHX19iJcIJcbTOyDl590IqW77WSdbT_JR-sDmQiNhkaXsnVxSI8pu2VqLPm2sdqQCc4jD-psKlXK_hBZTlNCC-CBPncv5OXcnRjb-z3H/s640/unnamed.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-66603179130419400742016-10-13T17:42:00.000-07:002016-10-13T17:42:09.244-07:00Just Because<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I told Thomas I wanted to see the leaves.</div>
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So we did.</div>
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And it was magical!</div>
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Thanks to Steven and Rachel for taking lots of pictures for us.</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(if I knew we were gonna have a photo shoot I probably would have done my hair more.. oh well they're still pretty cute cuz have you seen how handsome he is??? I have such a big crush on him shhhhh)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2lmLt0dcSOBkCTRCtFUSJUbe2K05ooCBqju9tEBuo48daLlRC8fRs3vLs79TMf3__xiBcOuqCS0ipU_xkbXLpx2HlGSyhcE0GTlIyotpqUe_mXAI8KCWJRPd5d4J4j-h70tlP6ZRghcwG/s1600/Capture.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2lmLt0dcSOBkCTRCtFUSJUbe2K05ooCBqju9tEBuo48daLlRC8fRs3vLs79TMf3__xiBcOuqCS0ipU_xkbXLpx2HlGSyhcE0GTlIyotpqUe_mXAI8KCWJRPd5d4J4j-h70tlP6ZRghcwG/s640/Capture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div>
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(LOL.... can't do serious faces, trying soooo hard not to laugh)</div>
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I am such a picture addict and T is soooo good at letting me take them. This post actually has no purpose other than I wanted to save these pictures on here. xoxo so happy!!!</div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-1232081928239477572016-10-13T12:46:00.000-07:002016-10-13T12:46:13.747-07:00Fall Feels<div style="text-align: right;">
The many colors of the trees and the late afternoon sunlight,</div>
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Fall</div>
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The soft sweaters and well worn boots,</div>
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Fall</div>
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The pumpkin cookies and coco,</div>
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Fall.</div>
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It's my favorite time of year and there are a hundred things I want to blog about. It has been on my to do list for weeks now but midterms, work and Stranger Things (yes, Netflix with Thomas would be on the top of your priority list too if you were me) have kept my days full.<br />
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Today I do have to document my gratitude for miracles from Heaven. I sure am nervous to take my New Testament midterm tomorrow but one answer I do know without a doubt is that miracles are real. Christ performed miracles then and the same power performs them now.<br />
My Grandpa went in for an emergency heart surgery yesterday morning. My whole family has been very prayerful and anxious. It truly was miraculous the things the doctors were able to do. I can't explain how grateful I am that he will be going home. He is the most incredible person and I love him so much.<br />
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It is sad that it takes big things like that to encourage me to pray fervently. I started a blog post a couple weeks back that I never finished about becoming too relaxed in my testimony.<br />
Midterms had begun and Thomas had an exercise physiology test (because he is smart and takes classes like exercise physiology). Before the test I said I would pray for him and upon sending the text message a thought came with it...<br />
"Did I even pray this morning?"<br />
<br />
My spirit has been at such peace lately that I have begun to get too comfortable with my life. I'm not complain about being happy. I have been soooo happy lately. However, I'm sad to admit my prayers are hurried or in the case of that Wednesday morning-forgotten completely. My scripture study has become nothing more than fulfilling New Testament assignments.<br />
Why is it that when life is sunny I do this? and then when a storm cloud rolls in I'm back to pleading in my prayers and searching in my scriptures.<br />
It isn't something I'm proud to admit but it is legitimate. When Grandpa went in for surgery I was back on my knees praying the way I should be praying everyday. This last Sunday my fast was meaningful- the way it should be every month.<br />
As a missionary I told myself I would never just go through the motions. It hasn't even been a year since I came home and I have forgotten. Because of the beauty of forgiveness I can "un-forget" and remember what it is like to live my life needing strength beyond my own. No matter how happy I find myself I still know true happiness doesn't come without heavenly help.<br />
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My walk home from campus includes the prettiest trees and stream. It is always a good day when I have a few minutes to sit on a bench and listen to the ducks quack. It is a perfect 60-75 degrees outside these days. As I've sat there enjoying the blue sky, warm sunshine, cool air and fall colors- I've pondered:<br />
I'm grateful to be happy. I'm grateful for miracles & forever families. I'm grateful to remember to live the habits I told myself I always would.<br />
and I'm grateful for Fall.<br />
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megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-66204313014742518932016-09-27T02:05:00.001-07:002016-09-27T02:05:32.790-07:00Basic & Loving itRemember that really basic white girl thing Kira and I do when our facebook profile pictures get out dated?<br />
It's something we try to keep pretty secret but let's be honest... it's so not a secret.<br />
There isn't anyone else I would be able to drive up the canyon with on a Saturday and feel comfortable enough to let them take iphone pictures of me. I'm so grateful for Kira.<br />
I'll own up to my super basic Saturday activity without too much embarrassment LOL (see I just used lol, which has actually become a bad habit as part of my vocabulary. We started saying it as a joke but now it just happens)<br />
Fall is my most favorite season. I love the leaves when they change color. It makes me miss the big Canadian maple leaves. It is beautiful and cozy.<br />
Oh yeah... and I have blonde-ish hair. I needed something to motivate me to do my hair again. Just trying to look like Haley :)<br />
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We will probably do this again once the snow comes or one of us cuts or dyes our hair again cuz why not? Sometimes being a basic white girl isn't all that bad xoxo</div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-51903280836682014032016-09-27T00:59:00.000-07:002016-09-27T00:59:00.232-07:00Cloud 9The feels are a little unreal + I am using every bit of self-control I have not to write the most sappy, corny, cliche love-struck post known to this blog...<br />
I'll leave it at this-<br />
I haven't stopped smiling since the minute I met him. I haven't laughed this much in maybe forever. I haven't felt this pretty, special or important since who knows when. I am so content with the world when I'm with him and it feels weird and wrong when I'm not. Staying up all night waiting in line for the football game or sitting in my apartment doing homework I am as giddy as a girl gets.<br />
His name is Thomas. (or T$ if you're squad)<br />
My family is responsible for this relationship and my new favorite T-shirt is the one Dad bought in the Grand Canyon for the purpose of giving him my number and an excuse to meet me when he got back to Provo. Thanks Dad :) I can't believe that actually worked haha<br />
I'm yet to hear a negative review from anyone who has met him. He sure has a way with people. He won me over in about 10 minutes and I'm sure glad he called me after that. We went to Liz and Eric's house one Tuesday night for a homemade ice cream double date and Liz texted me after saying he was perfect for me. I think I would have to agree with her.<br />
So cheers to the forehead kisses and butterflies and the fact that I can say a big fat YES when people ask me if I'm dating that cute boy in all my snapchats.<br />
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okay so maybe the post was a little sappy anyway but trust me... it could have been sooo much worse. Cheers also to my roommates who listen to me fan girl over him everyday. Bless them. It is a darn good thing they really like him.</div>
megfrodshamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10262949888705799359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7625902616557746018.post-82072745169750899542016-09-20T12:16:00.002-07:002016-09-20T12:25:40.207-07:00you are enoughI've thought about this post for months and months on end. I've debated writing it at all and seriously debated sharing it.<br />
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However,</div>
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I need to write it. For me.<br />
I need to share it. For anyone else who has been there.</div>
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I don't know when it all started. It very well could have been while I was still on my mission. I know I was truly carried those last couple of months by angels. I was pretty broken on the inside when I stepped off that plane. Heartbroken and tired I came home completely terrified of what was waiting.</div>
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When I came home from my mission no one was surprised (especially not me), by my emotional and kind of up in the air state of being. As the weeks turned into months I wondered how long it would take for me to come back down to earth. A lot of missionaries struggle returning to normal life. A lot of people break up with people they really care about. A lot of people have a hard time fitting in at BYU. I wasn't traveling down a path that was too difficult, it was just life.</div>
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At first I was able to live with the weird feelings and frustration at my social situations. I celebrated 2 weddings, Christmas, a family vacation and moved to school. I was busy busy busy and that was a blessing. When life slowed down for the Frodsham family and I didn't have any more weddings to look forward to, I realized more each day that I wasn't okay.</div>
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I was tired a lot but it was college and everyone is tired right? So I took long naps. Those naps turned into all day. Then I stopped going to class. I stopped trying to make friends. I just slept because when I was sleeping I didn't feel. When I was sleeping I didn't social media stalk people from my past or look through old pictures or read old blog posts from when I was happy. When I was sleeping I was safe. My Professors probably thought I was lazy. My roommates knew more about what I was avoiding and did all they could to love me. My grades began to slip because I was so anxious going to campus- afraid of who I would see and how I would feel. I stopped trying feeling like I would never catch up on the work I slept through. I couldn't eat without getting sick. I felt completely unmotivated to exercise. I don't remember now what it was that prompted me to call home but I knew I needed help.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">...</span></b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
I sat in soft chair with a box of tissues on my lap. Two kind, concerned faces looked at me as I cried until my head throbbed. I will never forget the grip on my stomach as she said the word 'depression'.</div>
<div>
Depression? but I'm a happy person... Megan is happy and loves life and people. I can't have depression.</div>
<div>
Situational depression is different from a chemical imbalance. I was told I would get better with time and attention. The process of healing began there.<br />
I was scared of the idea of a mental illness. I couldn't take an antibiotic and kill the infection. My mom couldn't take the disappointed, anxious or sad feelings out of me and make me better. It had to be me and my choices.</div>
<div>
Over the last 9 months I have sat with 3 different therapists, kept a feelings journal, read articles and books about grieving and cried more than I thought was possible. I have prayed and fasted and prayed and hoped and struggled. I've been decently open about it because I needed people who truly cared about me. I indeed am blessed with good friends and family.</div>
<div>
There were more times than I care to remember that I put it all back in a box and pushed it into the deepest darkest corners I could find. It always found its way back out again and I would start the process of accepting it all over again.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">...</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This time last year I was just starting the hardest part of my mission. I remember those days and thinking that I would trade anything in the world to just go home. I didn't know then what coming home from a mission would really be like.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I would like to say that it is important to warn missionaries but people told me it was hard to go home. People told me that it was hard to adjust. People told me that they would have gone back in a heart beat. It is just one of those things that if you haven't experienced it, you won't get it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I think the same can be said about depression. I can try to explain it- the feelings and ups and downs but until you've been there, you won't get it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It is different from having a bad day or feeling sad or not getting what you had really hoped for although those kinds of feelings apply.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And for that reason I am writing this. Far more people than we realize pass through times of their life when there really is no other way to describe it but depressing. For those people who are currently struggling...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've been there.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I write in hope. I write in faith. I write believing with all of my heart that one day you will be okay. One day I will be okay. That is the promise of the atonement. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only person who will truly get it because my depression is different from yours. Our life experiences are unique.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I went back to one of those soft chairs with another box of tissues on my lap at the beginning of the semester. I left that day without using a single tissue. And for the first time in probably over a year- I feel like Megan. I haven't yet felt the need to go back there.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I think that promised peace has come. I still like to take naps but they are now naps full of dreams not avoidance of real life. My heart still hurts when I think about my time as a missionary or my failed romance or my undetermined life plan. However, that hurt doesn't stay and engulf or paralyze me like it used to. It doesn't cause me to stop trying to feel. There are even times I am grateful for that hurt because it offers me a stark contrast to how I know I should feel when I think about my mission or dating or the future.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My Aunt gave me a bracelet at the end of last semester and written on it were the words "you are enough". I wore that bracelet every single day over the summer. Recently the bracelet began to crack and I have found it pretty poetic that it lasted me until now. I no longer wear it everyday because I am afraid of it breaking. There are plenty of moments as a 21 year old girl that I still need reminding that "you are enough". But today and yesterday and I have high hopes that tomorrow- I remember.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I am enough. My life is good. And I am happy.</div>
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