I'm still here, promise. I feel sad that some of the most memorable moments of my life have resulted in such a busy feeling that I don't visit here to document them.
I get frequent questions about being engaged. Is it hard? Do I think my engagement is too long? Am I failing all my classes?
I have a hard time answering any of them confidently. I remember being told it was hard and that I would struggle in school. And it is and I am but it's also magical and wonderful and happy!
I think for the most part people have painted this really negative image of the engagement period of a relationship. It is challenging and I'm 100% positive marriage will be way better than this but at the same time our relationship is growing at such a fantastic rate.
Planning a wedding is harder than my Pinterest boards and I thought it would be. In all honesty though when this thing is all over Mom gets all the credit! She is so patient with me and so organized.
As silly as it sounds I've struggled the most with picking a cake flavor.. I know.. of ALL the decisions that go into planning a wedding (and there are way more of them than I thought there were) that cake got me.
Poor Thomas.
He is really good at having opinions when I ask for them but every time we start talking about the cake I turned into this really grumpy/emotional bride to be. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!(and I really don't want to be that). We pick colors, talk about DJs, food, decorations and I'm fine but over and over again I would have weird break downs about that stupid cake!!! I'll eat one bite of it and that's it. I was frustrated because I could rapid fire a list of things I didn't want but could not make a decision.
We still haven't finalized that little detail haha BUT I've learned a couple things.
1. We can't make decisions when I'm hungry.
in the words of T's brother "Megan, you are not yourself when your hungry."
Hanger is a real thing.
2. I really am marrying the person who would do anything to make me happy. He is kind, patient and thoughtful. He understands me. He knows when it is better for me to just go to bed, how to motivate me to study and makes me laugh when I feel sad. He reminds me that as long as we are sealed in the temple the rest of it is just extra stuff.
3. If I don't manage my stress the unhappy Megan comes back. Thomas says it is a 95% to 5% ratio. But that 5% got really bad. I guess it didn't go away like I thought. There are still things I'm working through. I made a therapy appointment then canceled it. Started running consistently then quit. Bought healthy food from the grocery store then ate more chicken nuggets. It's daily and most days that 5% stays were it should but on days that is doesn't I'm extra grateful for Thomas. I'm extra grateful for Mom and Dad.
I had a complete melt down of insecurity trying to pick something to wear for our engagement pictures. I emptied my closet more than once, made myself sick and then on that day I was extra grateful for a kind, understanding sister. Haley not only helped me feel pretty but also took some wonderful pictures!
4. Life with Thomas is going to be so fun!(although I think I already knew that) Wedding prep is well on its way, our honeymoon is planned and we are so excited for all of it!
2 months 7 days and 16 hours :) :) :)
5. Growing up is a little scary. While I am sooooo excited- I'm also nervous. I've seen my life change drastically. My decisions are no longer my decisions- they are ours. My plans for the summer, next school year.. life!! They all now involve someone else. Our conversations and plans have hit me hard that it will never again be my money, my apartment or even my family. If there is anyone in this world I would want to share EVERYTHING with it would be Thomas.
and not just things- every vacation, every hope/dream, all of my concerns and worries as well.
I'm in an eternal families class this semester and if I have learned anything there it is that I'm so grateful it's Thomas!!!
So when I look back on this post next year and want to tell people that being engaged was so hard and long remember this: it is hard in some ways but it is wonderful in just as many!
