March 31, 2016

Survival Mode

I have now been looking at the same screen on my computer for the last 2 hours getting nothing done. 21 days folks.. The semester ends in 21 days. I can make it that long right?

Light Poles...
When I run I pick light poles.
I run towards them thinking "just make it to that far, make it to that pole"
or stop sign, tree, corner, whatever it may be.
The thing is when you reach that light pole you realize that you can keep going and you pick another- pole by pole you can go for miles!

March 13, 2016

Adventures with BAE

Saturday morning fun with Kira.
After a few wrong turns we found a back road out to Utah lake.
Utah is beautiful. You can see the hand of God in its beauty. We highly enjoyed our exploring and had a lot of silly fun practicing our iphonography!

 Here are a few pics of BAE... She is the cutest thing and I love her!

I honestly don't know what I would do without Kira. Our spontaneous adventures, late night drives and deepening friendship bring me so much joy.
Kira is BAE!

March 11, 2016

Y I am here...

Thoughts from hiking the Y with my 2 favorite cougars (Mom&Dad)

The most frequent questions I have received since coming home from my mission have had something to do with why I transferred schools...

Honestly most of the time I just say "that prayer thing we do" or "I'll let you know when I figure that out" because I'm not entirely sure.
The reasons I applied and the reasons I came are drastically different
but I remember both days like a horrific nightmare and dream come true smashed into one.

It was a freezing (literally) cold Canadian morning in January when I was reading my patriarchal blessing and had the strangest of spiritual impressions. I'll save you the details but I remember thinking.. please no.
I couldn't shake it. I e-mailed mom with the idea and she did some research for me. My odds at getting accepted for a second time to Brigham Young University didn't look too promising as I had turned down my first acceptance upon graduating from high school and played my GPA away as a freshman at Utah State.
However, as wise mom pointed out it isn't fair to myself to not even give it a shot so I started the long application process on P-days. It took me at least 9 months to finish all the essays. I really hated every minute of it, worst P-day activity EVER. I was afraid to tell people what I was doing for fear of not getting in.

Fast forward to the first day of my last transfer... The e-mail I had waited for had come. Mom had delivered the best and worst news (she was the only one willing to do it) in a whirlwind of drama. I read her words over and over again. Violent tears, shaking, and almost throwing up in-between paragraphs. I laugh now thinking back to how the Elders stared at me not understanding what was going on and a companion confused to why I was so upset.
Then came the longest week of my mission. I don't think I slept much or ate anything beside what members gave me and watched me eat.
I'm so grateful for a mission President who was so in tune with the spirit and read between the lines of my e-mail to him about feeling overwhelmed by decisions. We had some good talks President Clayton and I. I also had some of the best talks I've ever had with my Father in Heaven.
There wasn't one moment of clarity but instead a consistent feeling of anxiety. Anxious to tell Mom to accept it. Anxious to as she put it "not let all the drama be the reason I didn't go."

I grew up in the home of avid Cougar fans. The blue flag with a big white Y has proudly hung on my house every college football season for as long as I can remember. I have the fondest memories of tail gating and (if we are being honest) sleeping through games as a kid. My parents met at BYU and I always pictured myself going to school there one day. I worked hard in high school to get the grades I needed and build up my application with extra activities and sports to get in.

I also remember the day that first acceptance e-mail came...
I was at a rugby game with my friends and my best friend 'chubs' was celebrating her future at the Y. I stepped away and called my mom, she looked it up and congratulated me on my acceptance.
I cried.
Not tears of joy but tears of frustration. This was my childhood dream...
and I no longer wanted it.

I thought about that a lot applying the second time around. If I was ever going to live that childhood dream it seemed like now was the most opportune time.

And now I'm here.
I'm a cougar.
I cheer in the ROC
walk the campus of my EFY memories
sit in class full of peers who feel much smarter than me
go to devotionals
pray, talk about the atonement and use tons of Mormon lingo in a classroom setting

BYU gets criticized a lot. I'll admit I've participated in it.
Yes it is weird
Yes there is an honor code
Yes there are a lot of white middle to upper class, culture bubbled Mormons...
and it is wonderful- in its own way.

Things that are different or strange have always received a lot of heat.

I'm not gonna lie I really didn't like it here at first and some days I still don't
I made this choice knowing where I was coming and I'm making the choice to hold on tight to the things about BYU that I love
the tradition
the school pride
the security
the legacy
the way it pushes me to always work a little harder
the chance I have to seek spiritual revelation in all sorts of settings.

I'm a Cougar.
That is Y I am here...
because this is a dream I've wanted to live for a long time.

Snip Snip

I've had long hair since probably the 5th grade.
It was far past due time for a change.

(special thanks to Carly for snap-chatting the whole experience)

It is funny how liberating it is to cut off a major amount of your hair. As I watched chunks of hair fall to the ground I was both nervous and excited!

Carly (clever that she is) called it a quarter life crisis cut. I thought it was so fitting.  Maybe this was step one to growing up and moving on.
I think I look older, more like an adult and less like a recently graduated from high school girl.

Here is to adult Megan and letting go of the long hair and all of the other silly things I think make me Megan. Who knew that all I needed to do to feel excited about life again was cut my hair... excited to grow it out so I can do it again :)
17 inches later...