July 28, 2016

Space Junk and Rain Storms

I seem to get the strongest blog cravings on nights I have so many things that I really need to get done. Who needs sleep anyway? Instead we blog journal :)

There was a short summer rain storm this afternoon. Summer rain is my very most favorite! It came down so hard and fast and I couldn't get enough. The sound of big rain drops and the smell they bring seem to always inspire my thoughts to go a little deeper. I watched my young friends run around the backyard and scream in glee while thoughts of 'oh what a wonderful world' and memories of past summers rains danced around my head.
Driving home from work I opened the sun roof and rolled down all the windows and soaked in as much hot St. George goodness as I could. The months have become weeks and the weeks soon will be days before I move back to school. I love my home town (even if I complain about the heat every day).
I was lucky to grow up here. Lucky to have ran around in many of my own magical summer rain storms.
I was swimming late last night with some of the friends I danced in childhood and high school summer rain storms with. We were having a good old time when what the internet has told us was "space junk" shot across the sky. It is hard to explain just how big and bright and long it all lasted. Long enough for multiple people to jump out of the pool to try and catch a video of it.
The video didn't even come close to just how super duper awesome it was. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It kinda reminded me just how small St. George city really is. It is one city, in one state, in one country.. so on and so forth in a big giant universe full of planets and space junk. What a blessing that of all the places I could have ended up Heavenly Father let me come to S.T.G.
Maybe I'm biased but I don't believe that there is anywhere better.
Only 2 weeks left of Summer 2k16 in St. George. Maybe I'll get lucky and have more St. George summers.. we will see where life takes me. Where ever I may go-
There is no place like HOME.

 Home now includes a puppy that the longer I live with the more I like. Cooper took the picture on the right. He does pretty good for 3 years old. If I don't watch him he knows how to facetime people and LOVES any chance he gets to chat with anyone who will listen to him. He calls Zack at least 2 times every day and many more if I let him.

Blog craving killed :) and 11:00pm is the prefect time to start on today's do to list items right?

July 21, 2016


(This is one of those might never be published posts but I will never sleep while the words float around my head)
It has been a terrible, no good, very bad 6 days. My coping has ranged from running way too far in the hot St. George heat that might have given me a little heat stroke 
eating cake and ice cream in my bed while watching Netflix until I exhaust myself to sleep. (and then having nightmares from the sugar I'm sure)
Those balance each other out right?

Dramatic? probably. but that's dating for ya.

I've learned a thing or two over the last period of my life about heartbreaks.
It is far easier to be mad than sad.
Angry, irritation, and bitterness have been my fallback. The immature and unhealthy way, maybe.
As painful as those feelings can be they are easier to acknowledge than disappointment, despair and dismay. Underneath the anger that is what is hiding anyway.
I've worried that those feelings of grief without anger meant I was making a mistake.
This time around in my dating endeavors he gave me nothing to be angry about or frustrated at. He was nothing but kind, mature and honest as I struggled to form complete sentences. In some ways that made it worse and harder to let go.

My summer romance was some what of a big time-out from life's worries. It was full of magical moments and meaningful memories. Full of laughs and new friendships. I loved it. I felt safe there in a new little bubble of happy. As the timeout clock began to run short on time I realized what going back into the game would mean. I began to panic when I realized I couldn't hide in my happy bubble for much longer. All of the things I came home for the summer to figure out were still there. I still had to go back to school. I had chosen to ignore most of it. In some ways it was needed but it was also time to put the cleats back on and step onto the field again.

Going through old boxes of crap I came across a poem I had written after my very first heartbreak. At 16 years old I remember feeling like I would never be okay again.

Everyone knows it isn't easy to have a broken heart
ripped out torn to pieces left with just a part.
Wishing I could move on, not live in the past.
But it's not that easy to move on quite so fast.
One day at a time I'll take it rather slow,
trying to forget that one last final blow.
Hold on to the good time, throw away the bad,
Maybe someday soon I wont be so sad.

I wish that we could go back to the way things were before.
Instead I have to sit here curled on the floor.
No way to start over
Just a bit too late
How much I wish and want just to wipe the slate.
Although this heart inside me aches and puts up a fight.
I hear this little voice of reason that reminds me it isn't right.

I think about that one night moon lit walks in the park
didn't want to go home though it was getting dark.
Or when we stayed up way too late talking on the phone
The butterflies, the tears we cried
The night it all went wrong.

I can read that poem now 6 years later and smile and laugh at my Taylor Swift like dramatic rhymes. However, I'll never forget that feeling nor any of the heartbreaks that followed it. Some small disappointments and others were near paralyzing. Great or small we all go through them.
It is the price we pay, the risk we take for the dream of happily ever after.

I am grateful to the boy who kindly looked after my broken heart and gave back gently when I asked for it. He taught me a lot this summer and showed me that your heart can be broken in the kindest of ways.

\\ I was sad so I worked a ton this week to keep busy. 9am to 9pm I learned is a little too much but I was so glad I had jobs I loved as an outlet.
Also grateful for the two goofs pictured below that showed up at my house with cookies one day and kicked my trash on a run and some basketball another day. Solid best friends right there.
 I made some good use of my hammock this week as well as I search the scriptures for some needed peace and guidance.
It hasn't been fun but I guess if it had to happen it was okay that it happened to be the weekend my whole family was in town. Nothing treats a case of broken heart like 7 different people taking turns hugging you. I was grateful for "team Megan" and the love they gave me that helped fill the cracks of a heartbreak.

(all said and done.. I think I will publish this one.)

July 10, 2016

Childish Things

I spend everyday with kids. My best friends are between the ages of 3 and 11 years old and I couldn't be happier.
I love children. As a child I loved adults. Kinda backwards but it is working out in my favor.

I really wanted to be a nanny this summer and have been so blessed to work with some great families.
Children are refreshing and exhausting all at the same time.

I love the blunt honesty you get,
The pure joy at the simplicity of life,
The fast friendship and quick forgiveness,
I love that they love me, want me and need me. That's what we all want in life isn't it? My little people fill my tank.

It has been the best way to make money- I paint bird houses, make play-dough, run around splash pads, explore children's museums... as well as be a human jungle gym, calm tantrums, take 10 trips to the bathroom in an hour and best of all get lots of hugs and snuggles.

The combination of a couple families this summer has resulted in me loving 11 children that aren't mine. I've thought a lot about the way I want to raise my own family watching the dynamics play out at different houses. Everyday is something new and I'm learning lots of do's and don'ts.
This last week we saw "Santa Claus" at McDonald's when we stopped for ice cream. Santa was super friendly.  He warned us to be good as Christmas magic sparkled in children's eye on a hot July afternoon. It's little moments like that. It is when I show up to pick them up from preschool and get wrapped in hugs, proudly handed paintings and told multiple stories all at once.

I love coming home from work with sore arms from having a 3 year old on each hip (twins are an adventure), with greasy hair from little hands that play with it all day, with occasional mystery spills on my clothes and stickers on my legs and paint on my hands. My big craft bag has a permanent home in the back of my car and I've become a pro at car seats. I honestly love my job!
They are full of life, funny and ambitious. They are good for me.

(PS could I have more run on sentences or fragments? I love having no rules and no grading rubric.)
Snap chat filters were made for easy babysitting entertainment.
Paper bag puppets were a hit of an activity.
classic kool-aid playdough
We had a Christmas party complete with presents and Graham cracker houses that sadly resulted in sick tummys. I'm not the healthiest nanny they have ever had..oops.
This was such a fun day though. They were so proud of the presents they made me. So sweet and thoughtful they were in their drawing of the activities we had done all summer.
This was a cute Pinterest idea and awesome for the hot St. George sun. Freeze little treasures and then use a hammer to smash them free.
I like to try and see the world through their eyes- sometimes it's upside down or inside a castle fort.
Some days we play so hard... exhausted kids are the best reward.
It's fun to be a 21 year old kid. One day they asked me if my friends were as "kid-like" as I was. Living life like a child is healthy. Be happy and excited, show emotion easily, be bluntly honest, love without judgement or expectations. My summer job is 50% playing mom and 50% playing kid- perfect balance. xoxo Summer 2k16 :)