muscle memory

I could make that drive with my eyes closed. (but I never would #safety)
My mind was going a million miles a minute as I once again made the turns that I know so well.
It was like greeting an old friend.
Usually the wheels of my car turn as quickly as 35/40 miles an hour required in order to make in home safely by curfew. This time I rode the brakes a little trying to soak in the warm summer air streaming through my window with the scent of cows that often accompanies the "the fields".
As I drove, windows down and radio up I reminisced on all the nights I drove the roughly 11 minutes between here and there.
I've made that drive laughing, crying and all emotions in-between. So many memories both good and bad are laced with that part of town.
That drive already feels different- I've out grown those nights. I miss it already.

a week

Mom told me that before they execute prisoners they let them pick their last meal. She followed that up with "so wanna tell me some things you want to eat"..... uh I'm pretty sure I'm not dying but sometimes it feels like it.
Every time I turn on Pandora I think "which station am I going to miss the most"
or
this morning I slept in not because I went to bed late or was tired but just to stock up for the next 18 months.
Life will be so drastically different as a missionary it makes me nervous not to know what to expect.
One week.
This is getting so real.

A Skydiving Sensation

I've never jumped out of a plane nor do I ever really want to. I think I might have a little bit of an idea what it feels like to stand at the edge..

you've got butterflies, lots of them

and they are crashing around in your stomach because you are both excited and uncontrollably nervous!

you're wishing you had a little more time to compose yourself

but know that more time would only make it worse.

It's now or never!

I'm standing on the edge with less than two weeks left. I'm ready and not quite ready to J U M P.

#FrodshamSwag

The purchase of my first snap-back. Have I ever watched the Toronto Maple leafs play hockey? no. BUT they (by default of the mission) are my favorite hockey team ;)

The last little while at home with these two goofs has been fun. I know I act like they annoy me (and they do). I'm glad my brothers drive me crazy *Don't tell them that* because they keep me laughing. I would have to give them credit for keeping me happy during this weird limbo stage of life I'm in. Jeff and Michael got themselves Toronto Raptors hats. I'm grateful for a supportive family and am glad I gave the boys a reason to add to their already large collection of hats.

^^^Check out those guns^^^

silly brothers

PS.. Went to Las Vegas to watch baby brother play basketball.

I hate hate hate Vegas but I LOVE watching Michael play basketball.

 Michael has worked hard the last few years and it has payed off. He is a good player and I've missed going to games while I was at school.

I've watched the same group of boys play together for years. It's crazy to think they have moved far past city league to high school. I have a special place in my heart for these not so little anymore brothers.

50 years down many more to go

My Dad is the best! He turned the big five-oh. I love my Dad and had so much fun celebrating his birthday. We successful surprised him with a party that weekend but will continue to party all month because Dad doesn't celebrate birth'day's only. The whole month of May is his birth-month :)

 50 candles but this talented birthday boy got them all in one breath without the fire alarm going off!

I've know him for 19 of his 50 years. Bruce Frodsham is the kindest person I know. He is the hardest worker. He has always know how to make me laugh. He gives the best hugs. My Dad honors his Priesthood and serves faithfully in all his callings. I am so blessed to be the daughter of such an incredible person.

Happy Birthday Daddy! I love you!

Stupid Ukraine.

Only Elder Esplin could handle 4 different missions in one year.

I guess he is just too good that it would be unfair for only one side of the world to get Adam Esplin.

In all honesty though I am sad for him. He was so excited about the work in Ukraine and he loved those people. He had to watch his mission die. Pray for Adam. Pray for Ukraine.

Next stop in the adventures of Elder Esplin- Fort Collins, Colorado.

I have never met anyone who so easily got along with any person in his path. He is so versatile they could send him anywhere. This boy has taken "I'll go where you want me to go" to a whole new level this last year.

A bit of his e-mail from a few days ago (before he knew he was leaving) "this week has just been so inspiring and i have learned so much i am so grateful to be here; i know i signed up for this mission before i came to earth. I need this. I need this to prepare me for what is to come and my family. I know this church is true megs. Heavenly Father KNOWS YOU. He loves you and has prepared people just for you in Canada."

I hope to one day have the faith that he does.

What gives you the right?

In honor the girls going and the girls staying.

Boys have it easy. It is their Priesthood responsibility to serve a mission (now don't for one second think I am saying that missions themselves are easier just the decision). When you are a girl you prepare, prepare, prepare and then find out if a mission is right for you. That "finding out" is no simple magic 8 ball move. The dynamics of Mormon culture since the age change has put all sorts of pressure on female young adults of the church. It seems everyone has an opinion. I have a lot of bottled up frustration on the topic which has resulted in this post.

"You should stay home and get married" "Go on a mission, of course. Think how much it will benefit your future family." "Let me guess you are going on a mission just like every other LDS girl" "Every girl I talk to is leaving on a mission" "Why aren't you going" etc. etc.
Well here is something I have learned- it is not for anyone to have an opinion about.
You can say nothing until you have spent the time on your knees, sleepless nights, and frustrated cries that so often are required when making this decision. They call it personal revelation for a reason. And unless they are your family member or you are their Priesthood leader...

Who are you to have an opinion? Who are you to assume? Who are you to question?

I have just recently returned from my first year of college and while I was there I finalized my decision to serve a mission and for your information-
no I am not going because I have "a missionary"
no I am not going because everyone else is (which is an exaggeration)
no I am not going because I don't want to get married right now
no I did not jump on the bandwagon and make this decision lightly.
and yes I realize that missions are no vacation and that they are VERY hard.

Some stupid RM (turns out just because you went on a mission doesn't mean you are the RM they paint for you when you're in high school) chastised a friend of mine last week for deciding to serve a mission. He warned her that she'll have all sorts of competition when she gets home and it'll be so much harder to get married. haha really? When she told me about this conversation we decided it was a blessing for him that there will be plenty of girls to chase cuz she for sure wasn't interested.
He is just one of many conversations I have heard about and been apart of.
I remember one conversation I had with an adult right after the age change who voiced their opinion that girls were jumping into a mission without realizing the money they required. I was far above irritated at that one. Not your child, not your worry, not your business. Instead of rejoicing at the hastening of the work we are telling young women that money is more important than giving people who are in the dark the light they are been searching for?

I have good friends who have decided that a mission wasn't something they were going to do. Good girls who are doing wonderful things with their lives but when people ask (and they always do) the response they receive is never too warm. My heart has often hurt for these friends who have to deal with their choice, to continue to live righteously and be a missionary without a name tag, is looked down upon.

It isn't an easy time of life as is and then we throw in a decision that will influence the rest of your life in ways you can't even comprehend.

When the age change came it wasn't an awe-ha moment for me. For some people it was and for a while I envied them. The announcement came and went and I still wasn't on the send me on a mission list. As my guy friends in high school started to experience the excitement of receiving a mission call and my sister prepared to leave I began to wonder if that was the path I should be taking. It took some time but I came to realize that a mission may have not been in my plan but it was in my Father in Heaven's plan for me. So don't for one second think I made this decision on a whim. There may be some girls out there who have but the reality is that it is their decision to make and NOTHING gives anyone else the right to question them on it. I went away to college and started my papers the first week I was there. I worked on my papers from August until they were submitted January 1st. It took me that long to know for sure and there are still days I question, still days I feel myself completely panic and think 'what did I get myself into'. However, every time I return to my knees I get the same answer and so I move forward.
In less than a month now I will join the army of missionaries all over the world. What a wonderful time we live in. People are sharing the gospel both at home and as full-time missionaries.
So good for you to the girls who got an answer to share the gospel with those around them and God speed to the ones who bravely submitted mission papers.

It isn't easy to go on a mission. It isn't easy not to go on a mission. It for sure isn't easy to figure out either.

Just so you know- There are more supportive, uplifting people than otherwise. Thank you to those who have been excited for me and supported me either way, this post wasn't about you. To those people (groups of college boys for the most part) who too quickly say whatever comes to your head- this post WAS for you.

I can't even...

I have started this post around 6 times now.
At first I couldn't let myself even think of publishing a farewell freshman year because I was in denial about it all ending.
Now that the goodbyes have been said my heart has been ripped out crushed beneath the cruel foot of bitter endings and I have shed enough tears to end a summers drought I began to try and write.
Nothing I write feels good enough. It doesn't matter how many times I rearrange the 26 letters in the English alphabet. Words just don't do the trick to explain the love I have for the people I have met and the place I lived for the last 10 months. No picture can accurately describe the degree to which I loved my freshman year of college.
I can't even.

We all take different paths in life but no matter where we go we take a little of each other everywhere.

I'll be taking a little bit of these 10 girls with me for the rest of my life.

The classic Nicole and Megan hair flip photo :)

 Picture overload but hey I could have happily put all 700 and honestly freshman year deserves many more pictures. xoxo to the last year of aggie goodness!